Shirish 

Shirish asked me if I could write about him and I didn’t say a word.

I remember back in 10 th grade how Shirish wrote a poem and left it on my desk just before the morning assembly.

It was royal blue ink on ruled lines and it smelled like the deodorant he used to wear.

Whats me without you?


I have found my world 

There is only you in it

What is me without you?

Just like night with out its moon 

Summer without its sun 

Stopping a flower from blooming when its almost done 

It is like Dalmatians without spots

A piglet with out pooh

It is like Dori not being in Nemo 

That is me with out you

You are my sun, 

My moon shining on me 

No matter what I am going through.

I wasn’t sure if the girl in the poem was me because I wasn’t the most beautiful girl in the entire school. I couldn’t possibly take his breath away.

I had never thought about it that time.

Showing this to my class teacher and my friends would create more issues and would disturb him as well as me.

I remained passive not reacting even a bit. I was more focused on my target of getting above 90 percent in Secondary School Certificate exams and achieved it too getting 93.
He fell for another classmate three months later. 

I tossed the paper away. The last time I saw him was in the Eichsttat Hall on the School Send off Day . It has been six years but I still carry the poem with me.

Being with you always 

You enter my lungs

When ever I breathe 

But for me to live 

I need to exhale you 

Inhaling and exhaling you 

Has become  my life 

That will continue 

As long as I am alive 
My heart beats because of you

My heart circulates you 

Everywhere in my body 

You are an inseparable part of me 

My birthday 

So, today it’s my birthday,

So what can I do?

I’m now one year older…and I want to boohoo,

But it’s time to be happy,

A time to rejoice,

A day to remember…that I have a voice,

To express my opinions,

To say what I feel, 

To love and to cherish…all things that appeal,

So, my heart feels gladdened,

I want to cry aloud,

“I’ve made it one more year”…and for that I’m so proud,

But what is life’s purpose? 

Do we to just live and die?

Or should we investigate…the what and the why?

I believe in evolution,

of consciousness — not form,

Yes, my soul is eternal…and I was not born,

For this, I am thankful, 

To my teacher and parents 

Who taught me the Satya…that I’m like no others,

We’re all sole expressions,

of a Superior Godhead,

While remaining still persons…we’re also united,

Simultaneous and different,

And yet united as one, 

The doctrine of Chaitanya…shines like the sun,

Illuminating our consciousness,

With the sound of Harinam, 

My heart soars so high now…on the wings of Sri Ram,

I’m no longer fearful,

Of a thing called, “being dead,”

That ugly grey monster…that hides under my bed.

I now know it’s fiction,

to keep us oppressed,

in a world of illusion…and sensually obsessed,

The “keys” are now with me,

I’ve got the way out,

“Just master the tongue”… I emphatically shout! 

And so, that’s my mission,

To share this simple fact, 

Through practice and precept…my final soul act.

Please share your birthdate so that I can add it to my wish list 

An unfulfilled appointment 

Our dreams lasted too long
But all the reality
Nothing but an unfulfilled appointment!
 
For once I was unable to decide
What pains me more
This poignant or the life without it!
 
The feeling of this aloneness
Amongst everyone around
The torment of this love unsatisfied!
 
It was so easy to love you
Never realised
Would be so hard to forget you!
 
I hear your voice — in silence
That you speak to me
In unspoken words!
 
You detach me from God
And replace Him by yourself
And I wonder whom to worship!
 
Now I am waiting
Till your memory leaves
The chambers of my heart!

I can clearly see


To lie awake each night

Body aching

Yearning

Almost screaming for rest

☆☆☆
But how can I drift away

Softly slip into slumber

When my thoughts run wild and free?

The night has become the dawn for my imagination

☆☆☆☆

The stars hold the key to my inspiration

In the darkness I can clearly see….

She decided to die

Its about my long time friend who tried to end her life two days back due to exams tensions that she may not score well 

☆☆☆☆☆
 
I remember her from a long time
The girl with twinkle in her eyes
Chubby cheeks, round face
And a smile in her lips that never dies
 
Always with a gang of girls
Her never ending babbling
Someone you’ll never find alone
And sans her laughing
 
Always crazy and always carefree
Someone,who can never stop talking
A little naughty, a little witty
Who would hop a little, jump a little just for nothing
 
Then something went wrong
That changed her drastically
And she went inside her cocoon
Slowly, silently and surely
 
Without disturbing even the dew drop
She closed all her doors
And decided to be completely on her own
Unmoved like stone
 
I still remember the girl
With twinkle in her eyes
Who had decided to go away
Without even a single good bye
 
No bird could hear
Her silent cry
When without letting anyone know
She had decided to die.
 
No note, not even a word
To leave behind
So sulky on life that
You didn’t even tell the reason why.
 
So many still love you
You didn’t even consider
Your near and dear ones too
You decided not to bother.
 
I still remember her
The girl with twinkle in her eyes
Unmoved, who closed all her doors
And finally decided to die.

Her world through an open window 

The open window,
Is Gayatri’s only portal to the outside world,

Because there is ice in her legs,

That has frozen,

Numbing her legs,

Saving from constantly hurting her toe against the edges of the staircase.

At least that is what Ma(Mother)told her.

Ma (Mother) is a good liar.
☆☆☆☆
Her butterfly heart flutters,

As the wind caresses her face,

But more often than she wishes to acknowledge,

She must remember- that dreams and capabilities are two different words.

She dreams to run towards the setting sun,

Which gets lost somewhere on the other side of the horizon.

The open window lets her see this much only.

☆☆☆☆
From the open window,

Gayatri can see little Tanvi riding the bicycle,

Her legs unfrozen,

Moving in perfect harmony like the sun moves up and down the horizon.

Gayatri smiles looking at her four wheeled wheelchair,

Remembering how Ma (Mother)told her- that the number of wheels decided the worth of a vehicle. 

Ma (Mother) is a good liar.

☆☆☆☆
From the open window,

The sun rises up the horizon.

No cuckoos have time to wake up Gayatri.

The sun is Gayatri’s cuckoo.

With the rising sun,

Comes Baba(Dad) too,

A genial smile plastered on his face.

He comes from the other side of the horizon,

Where cuckoos sing,

And unicorns ride on rainbows,

Where the sun never sets.

That is why Baba(Dad) doesn’t like Gayatri’s house.

Ma (Mother) is a good liar.

☆☆☆☆
From the open window,

Gayatri can see herself running in the meadows,

The raindrops colouring the blank canvas of her body,

The wet mud spread all over her like streaks of brown paint.

Ma (Mother) is painted completely in brown,

Like a wretched painting without art,

Lying on the ground,

Outside Gayatri’s window.

Baba(Dad) is a bad painter.
In all this rain, 

Ma’s  (Mother’s) eyes have decided to help too,

Trying to wash away the dark colour she seems to be coloured in.

The sun has decided to part with Gayatri and Mark. 

Ma tells Gayatri that the nights are shorter in this season.

Ma(Mother) is a good liar.
☆☆☆☆
From the open window,

Seven seasons have passed,

But the sun hasn’t returned.

It has been the longest night in Gayatri’s life.

Life has just been a 90’s film,

Of black and white.

Baba’s (Dad’s)genial smile,

And the stories of unicorns and supernatural beings have stopped,

Ma has stopped talking too.

She just sits in a corner silently,

As if her legs have frozen too.

Maybe she got tired of hurting too.

☆☆☆☆
There is light every morning,

And dark every night,

But who would tell Gayatri’s wretched soul,

That Baba’s (Dad’s)smile was her cuckoo,

And sometimes cuckoos fly away,

Because the other side of the horizon is a beautiful place.

☆☆☆☆
But who would tell Gayatri that sometimes,

Like her legs,

Hearts froze too,

Numbing it from getting hurt over and over again.

☆☆☆☆
But who in this whole wide world,

Will tell a little girl, 

Waiting for this night to end,

That her mother was a liar.

Lost

I feel that 

I am lost 

In a crowd of known people 
Every one knows me

But no one 

Interacts with me 

People just pass by

Like vehicles moving on road 
Many times 

I feel 

Have I done something wrong 
Many times 

I feel 

Did I hurt someone unknowingly 
It’s very a very bad feeling 

Can’t be expressed in words 

Crossed fingers 

I cross my fingers in anticipation

I pause myself scared in hesitation

For I not know what the future brings me

My feelings gone wild.. is the world gonna agree or disagree

☆☆☆☆
I trudge through the lane, alone and silent,

The starless night glares back at me,

The eary silence zooms in the air

Even the tree leaves seems scared to move…

☆☆☆☆☆
I search the sky for the moon for company

But neigh do I find

Where has all the company done

As i trudge on feeling so alone…

☆☆☆☆
A little star blinks from far

Atop a building so high but afar

I walk on gazing at the light

It gives me the way and a peace of mind

☆☆☆☆
Is this the silence before the storm I ponder

My fingers crossed for the best

Too scared to let it go

I trudge along feeling so alone

☆☆☆☆

A gentle breeze wipes my sweat

Is this the hand of the Lord or natures play

The fragrance of flowers in the air soothes my soul

And I slowly gain the confidence in each of my steps

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

I soon come to the end of the lane

Refreshed to see the face of my loved one

I slowly removed my crossed hands

Relived and happy to have come to the end of the lane

At peace 

Clouds of Pain Shadow the night

I try to Wipe it off with all my might
But the storm is too strong to stop

How will I bring all the sad things to a stop.
Agony and hurt fries my heart

And in this crazy world I play my part
Sands of Time becomes still

As I stand still on atop a hill
Suddenly a little butterfly touches my hand

And the gentle breeze shuffles my hair
The sweet fragrance of the flowers fill the air

And the Sweet melody of the birds seem to come from beyond.
The mists around seem to protect me from pain

Is this God’s way of telling “I Care”?
The positivity of the situation dawn on me

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel
I stand as a tiny speck in the wide wide world

All my problems seem to be small and tiny
The sweet caress & peace… I feel of HIS presence

And then I spot a lake at the distance

The lake seem to be heart-shaped or so I think

Is this God’s way of showing his love for me

How can I be alone is this big world

When he is there to share it with me
There are surely no unsolvable problems

There are surely no unbeatable problems
The showers of Blessings from heaven wipe down my tears

Surely there is hope lying ahead
Hope for a better tommorrow.

Finally I am at Peace…