Me ,myself,  my thoughts 

​“I  am pushing myself every day, to be a better person, to learn, to be someone worth something some day. 

Trying to do it all, but the truth is, it doesn’t matter. None of it does. Nothing I do ever will, it never has.

 At the end of the day, I’m just a small girl with dreams that are way out of her league – stuck between living in the moment and planning the next 10 years of my life, between being okay with not having life figured out and crying myself to sleep because i have no idea what to do. 

Trying so hard and still not being good enough, having people who expect great things but tell me I’m worth nothing.

On good days, I’m okay with everything I’ve achieved. I’m okay with who I am and who I have become.

 I’m okay with not having my life figured out at 19. There’s gotta be more to life than being right and making sound decisions, there’s gotta be more than just following a plan.

But on the bad, all i can think about is turning 20 in two short days, and being nowhere close to achieving what I’ve always wanted. 

Nowhere close to being someone who’s on a path to greatness, no one who deserves a damn thing in the world. On the bad nights, I can’t figure out if my existence has even a tiny bit of importance. 

So what if i do my hardest every day? The bad days make me question everything I do, have ever done. Make me question every decision I’ve made, I keep thinking that if I just vanished, nothing would change. 

On the bad days, every mistake, every little error is a demon of its own, telling me I won’t ever be enough. And with each bad day, a good one seems to get further and further away.

I’m stuck and i don’t quite know how to rescue myself. 

No one can say things worse than what I tell myself every second of the day. 

So what do you do, when you are your own nightmare come to life?”

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22 thoughts on “Me ,myself,  my thoughts 

  1. Mysson Humane says:

    Awesome read. I really loved this kiran. I am stuck too… But oh my you young, you turning twenty! Happy birthday in advance. I just turned twenty two and I have got this feeling that am running out of time! Soon I will be out of college, my mum will need some grand children, the village will start calling for my support, the country its taxes… I just can’t imagine that this life is really that fast!

    Awesome read. Kindly pass by my blog. Thanks

    Liked by 2 people

  2. mike says:

    I went through life without a plan. I did everything I wanted to do when I wanted to and how I wanted to. There was no one to guide me and tell me right from wrong. No one expected anything from me, except me. So far I have no regrets. There’s nothing I would do over again because everything I did, I learned from. So when you say, ​“I am pushing myself every day, to be a better person, to learn, to be someone worth something some day.” – You’re someone worth something everyday. Never forget that. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  3. joediggs4 says:

    Sounds like being 20. Been there and 12 years later still there. I am what you would call a middle class professional…? and I still feel like that sometimes. It’s life and I wouldn’t get down on yourself… you will learn that over time. Hope this helps a little… ? I tried to keep it short. Good read btw

    Liked by 1 person

  4. radhikasreflection says:

    Kiran all of us have our good and bad days. From your writings the image I have formed of you is of a young and bubbly girl full of positive warmth, eager to go out and spread that sunshine all around. Keep up that spirit. Let go of emotions that pulls you down. Follow your heart. I am sure you will rise and shine 💙❤😘

    Liked by 1 person

  5. lifelipshadeandtrend says:

    I am still trying to figure it all out. Where do I go? Am I doing it right? Should I do more?But I know that my life is still before me. Full of joy, full of things to be discovered, full of possibilities.

    Life is a bit messy but beautiful 😊😊
    A 19 year old😉😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • kiranmag says:

      Yes 😊 …the mind is always full of thoughts …to do or not to do …whether I am doing it right or wrong…I am enjoying my life too …but have a ambitions and fixed goals …working towards them day by day …hurdles yesss…they do come in between. ..but tackle them with proper thoughts and advice from elders especially parents …I am very much open to them ….BTW would like to know your name…thanks for stopping by and expressing your views. ..have a wonderful weekend 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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