Things i wish i could tell you, dad

My dad strongly wished that i should beccome a medical practioner. Me too had made my mind to get admission in the Armed Forces Medical College.

Hardluck…i could’nt make it in the AIPMT exams…It took a very long time for me to digest the failure and stand up once again and for him too. I have opted for an engineering profession now.

It was very hard to convince him so i wrote this letter to him and kept it in his pocket in the morning…this trick worked in convincing him.Everything was normal in the evening of the same day.

Letter 

Things i wish i could tell you, dad

My sweetest dear dad,

If someone asks me what my favorite childhood memory is, I’d probably say when my dad used to make me sit on his shoulders so I could see everything from above.

 It’s nothing any daughter wouldn’t have experienced, but I can still remember  your eyes glowing with pride looking up at me laughing. I remember it as if it happened yesterday. I can still hear our laughter if I try hard, I can still feel the wind in my long brown hair and the sun kissing my skin. 

I know I don’t remember my childhood, things that you would want me to remember just because they were so special to you. I remember mom telling me how you’d take me upstairs on the roof and sing me to sleep. ( Song : Mere ghar aayi ek nanhi pari) 

Every night, you sung the same song. I wish I could remember how it felt, falling asleep to your beautiful voice. I really wish I did. But I can recite that particular song in a heartbeat, even though I never understood the meaning behind the lyrics just because you sung it to me so much.

 I don’t know when or how I started picking up the lyrics and singing along, but that song will always hold a special place in my heart. Just like you do.

So, where did everything go wrong, dad? How did we end up here? You used to be my rock, a shoulder to cry on, my support system. When did you become one of the reasons I can’t sleep at night because the tears won’t stop spilling? I remember how you used to come to me at night when I fought with mom and was crying silently. 

Somehow you always knew, even though I’d try my best to not make a sound. I remember how you used to pat me on my head and sing me to sleep. I still remember those car rides, when you used to drive me to the other side of the city, amidst the heavy traffic and unrelenting heat, just to buy me my favorite cupcakes. 

I still remember laughing at that one song that would always be played on the radio every time you drove me to my classes, and how you’d explain the meaning behind the lyrics. 

I still remember how your face glowed with pride when my 10th grade results came out. I remember, dad. I still remember.

So where did all that go? The laughter, the conversations that were only ours to keep, and how I’d constantly annoy you will my antics. Where did that vanish?

I’ve tried so hard to make you proud, dad; so hard that I started basing my existence on it. Would you blame me? I’m just a little kid trying to make her dad proud. That’s all I ever wanted.

So did your expectations surpass your love for me? I know I failed, dad, I failed you. Now I’m the reason you’re hurting. I’m the reason I’m hurting because my eyes can’t meet yours. I’m the reason for the tears in your eyes, and believe me when I say those tears haunt me.

I wanted to make you proud, dad. And I failed. And you don’t see how much I wish I could take all of it back. If I could go back in time and make things right, I would. But I can’t.

Now I’ll have to live with it. Maybe that’s the right punishment for me. Maybe I deserve it. 

Maybe I deserve crying myself to sleep every night and not having you patting my head and singing me to sleep.

Yours most loving daughter ,

KIRAN 


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14 thoughts on “Things i wish i could tell you, dad

  1. shambhavi31 says:

    Everytime we cry, our parents know. Even if we are far apart, they would know. I am a doctor now, but I stood at the same bifurcation several years ago. My dad wanted me to be an engineer but I wanted to join the medical profession. I had chosen my path and my father wasn’t very happy about it. But eventually he accepted and appreciated me for taking up such a difficult profession. When we are born, they dream of a good future for us and sometimes they feel they can give us what they were deprived of. Don’t worry, your father will definitely come around. Keep your heart open always. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • kiranmag says:

      First of all i would like to heartily congratulate you Shambhavi for sucessful completion of your medical studies. Whats your specialisation?.

      The day my father read this letter in his office he felt very bad for bieng harsh with me. He hugged me when he came home. We both cried a lot without saying a word. The first word we both uttered together was SORRY ☺.

      Liked by 1 person

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